Olivia Killingsworth

NOTE: I just spent two months working as an assistant director for a play with an all-male cast at an off-off-Broadway theater for part of the week, and working as a server at a French restaurant with an all-female wait staff the rest of the week. I documented my experiences in this series of posts.

So now that the show has been open for four weeks, and I’ve had ample time to recover from the flurry of activity and stress that is tech and opening weekend, it seems like a good time to look back and reflect on this whole experience. Did the predictions I outlined in my first post come true? What did I learn? What’s next for me? For this blog?

The answers, in no particular order:

1. Re: Prediction #1: No one will read this blog. Some people actually did/do read this blog. They are mostly family and friends, and I can count them all on one hand, but I think the most important thing is that I’m doing this for me, and that I’m getting something out of it for myself – specifically, it’s been a good tool for self-expression and reflection. And as it happens to be public, there’s the added bonus that my family and friends get to keep up with what’s really going on in my life, aside from the occasional phone or email exchange, which usually involves a lot of preliminary, superficial shit like, “How the weather? How’s the cat? Did you catch this week’s House?” All that stuff is great, but it’s nice to just cut to the chase and get to the deeper things sometimes, and this blog allows me to do that.
2. Re: Prediction #2: No one will care about this blog. Well, I care, and that’s enough.
3. Re: Predictions #3 & #8: There will be more drama at the restaurant than at the theater (as the restaurant staff are all young women), and I will develop inappropriate crushes on the cast/crew (as the cast are all male and good-looking). There turned out to be drama aplenty in both environments; but I’ve discovered that, whether because of age, experience, or the clarity I’ve gained by taking time for occasional reflection in writing for this blog, I now appear to have developed the ability to identify the moment at which I can either allow myself to be sucked into some developing drama or walk away from it. This may seem silly, but up until now, I was never able to see these moments, or “decision points”, if you will. I always felt as if I were just propelled (or compelled, as the case may be) into sticky situations, like a piece of driftwood being pulled along for the bumpy ride, only to be spit out and smashed up on the shore when all was said and done. But now I notice when a comment is made, a look is exchanged, or another drink is ordered – it’s as if I can see the ensuing drama starting to unfold in my mind, and I know I can either choose to become a part of it, or walk outside and hail a cab home. It doesn’t mean I don’t still make stupid decisions sometimes – I keep talking when I know I should shut up, I return the meaningful glance, I stay for the next round – but now I know, to some degree, what I’m doing, and what the consequences will be. I still get occasionally beat up and washed ashore emotionally, but at least I’m saying to myself the whole time, “Well, I sort of knew this would happen.” So in my book, that’s progress…
4. Re: Predictions #4 & #5: The guys will get on the same cycle and the men will work better together than the women. I didn’t really have enough time or the right kind of expertise to test out or evaluate these theories. I think it’s an issue for a different kind of blog and a different kind of blogger…
5. Re: Predictions #6 & #7: I will hate or be bad at directing and I will learn a lot. Certainly, I learned a LOT; and as it turns out, I liked directing for the most part, and had a lot of fun. Whether I’m any good at it remains to be seen; but you can judge for yourself soon enough – which brings me to my…

Next Steps…
Yes, I will now be re-focusing on my main purpose in life, which is to be an actor. To that end, I have enrolled in an upcoming workshop with actors’ advocate Dallas Travers, in order to bone up on my business and marketing skills (since I’m now pretty confident in my craft, having spent several years studying at both the T Schreiber Studio in New York and Larry Moss Studio in Los Angeles).

But, in addition, I have also become involved with a group called The Shelter, and have signed on to direct a one-act as part of Night Windows, an evening of three original one-acts, inspired by the Edward Hopper painting of the same name, to be performed at the WorkShop Theater, May 5-15, 2011. I’m very excited about this endeavor, and I hope you’ll join me for it, if you can (performance and ticketing details will be forthcoming). And I do hope that you’ll keep following me here, as I continue to blog about my adventures as an actor, director, and person.

I’m still too busy catching up on sleep, work, and household chores this week to blog. In the meantime, please enjoy this YouTube video of some rugby players that remind me very much of our boys in The Changing Room: